We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
Neurotic Sundays
my life at your mercy
This is Life:
ever so tempted to title this “C’est La Vie” with full knowledge that I’m posting sights of London streets, am in no way of French decent and have previously already used a Latin quote, I swiftly dodged a pretentious ignoramus bullet. the same bullet/s that are released from a pull to the trigger of my chaotic, almost-ADHD, 6.3”, 1990 original.
last Xmas was the worst I’ve had.
filled with the usual banalities and seasonal atmosphere - last Xmas tore apart every sense of security I had in the confinements of my cranial capacity. leaving it empty, hollow and dry with only a tattered list of everything I thought I had forgotten or thought I breezed through unfazed.
it’s taken me to February to gain enough substance to produce a bullet with some horse power behind it…
London.
i need to grow, build and expand everything/anything new that my head accepts from 0 AMNB (after mental nuclear bomb). I want to feed myself with new surrounding, experiences, cultures, people…. street graffiti and owl vases - London is just the gate way.
I’m not running; I’m dealing and slowly (but painstakingly surely) accepting things in my past, analyzing and comprehending them, learning, then releasing them. when this is done, London will come.
if you’re a bird, I’m a bird.
Step 142: No posters of people you find sexually attractive
After age 21, this absolutely must end. Dudes, no posters of scantily-clad women. Ladies, no posters of celebrity crushes. Decor should look nice and match, not turn you on.
ha this is so true.
non stop happiness xx
a friend of mine gave me a honest perspective, 3 seconds before i found this.
sometimes it feels like everyone else has a better hold of my life than i do.
Justus Esto Et Non Metue
Poof!
and i have a tumblr account.
its 6.37pm and i’m sure i started this process over 3 hours ago, my self diagnosed ADHD never fails in leaving me 3 steps behind with a perpetual feeling like something has to be done. (i flicked through 4 other web pages whilst typing this small paragraph.)
with that i welcome you to my neurosis, where when published will seldom feature a capital letter but will quite anally ensure that everything else is in grammatical order.
its a saturday evening and i have plans to head out to a trendier part of the city for a friend’s birthday and instead of setting my hair, choosing an outfit and tidying the place (for any late night sleepovers, of course), i’m sitting at my laptop, vodka, lime and soda in hand, googling definitions for “Neurotic” - knowing that i am the living definition something as simple as a word, i have a urge to see how others/professionals would exactly define it.
typing in “Neurotic” promps me to a noun rather than adjective;
dictionary.reference.com feeds me this -
neu·ro·sis
[noo-roh-sis]
1. Also called psychoneurosis. a functional disorder in which feelings of anxiety, obsessional thoughts, compulsive acts, and physical complaints without objective evidence of disease, in various degrees and patterns, dominate the personality.
2. a relatively mild personality disorder typified by excessive anxiety or indecision and a degree of social or interpersonal maladjustment.
…Hardly complimentary, but what had me alarmed even more was the ad for a website:
Why Men Lose Attraction
10 Ugly Mistakes Women Make That Ruins Any Chances Of A Relationship CatchHimAndKeepHim.com
Is this the universe hinting that my neurotic behavior encourages me to make ugly mistakes and i need a horribly sad website to save me?
dammit, i didn’t need this! i was just innocently seeking meaning to my abnormalities not accusing, tragic, condescending solutions.
————————————————————————————————-
its now 8.56pm Monday - i guess that litre of vodka i demolished after that stupid taunting ad got the better of me, so much so that i don’t even know what track i was going down with this post.
surprise! - this has become an unintentional representation of my muddled life/persona. my night didnt even start or end where it was supposed to nor did i end up seeing my friend for her birthday celebrations.
anyway, i’ll leave you with a selfie of a shamless, dizzy version of myself that probably makes these “ugly mistakes that ruins any chance of a relationship”.
xx
the first few steps are rough but the sun shines its brightness; what is life without movement and sunlight?
